To most Ploggers, this is an average Tuesday. Perhaps you had a takeaway pizza tonight. Perhaps you phoned your mum. Maybe you watched Top Gear which you recorded at the weekend. For most of you it will have been an entirely average day.
I, on the other hand, exposed myself in public. Twice. Today.
It was 10.30 a.m.. I was busy at work, but like I always say, "Never too busy to have a poo. Good colon care is important." So off for a poo I went. Shutting myself into a cubicle and midway through said poo, I suddenly thought, "Did I lock the door properly?" I checked the door by unlocking it and re-locking it.
Or so I thought.
Two minutes later a colleague opened the door to my cubicle. There's nowhere you can really go when you're pooing. "Sorry!" we both said, and hoped we didn't bump into each other in the canteen in the near future.
"Well," thought I, "I have learned a solid lesson about making sure the door is locked, and I shall be sure not to have any more embarrassing moments like that."
Cut to 6.30 p.m. I was at my final wedding dress fitting. I have lost a tiny bit of weight since I had my last fitting (probably the massive poo at 10.30. I don't know.) and I was a bit worried about whether the back of the dress was tight enough. To test it, I jumped around in the dress. All seemed fine. I jumped around again, saying to the two assistants and three other customers, "Yes, this seems fine."
At that moment, I had a wardrobe malfunction. Out popped a nipple. In the middle of the shop. In front of two assistants and three other customers (and no doubt their security cameras and therefore their 2011 Christmas party attendees as part of a highlights reel).
So, in the space of eight hours, I exposed myself twice. Now, I don't know about you, but that is not an average Tuesday for me. Most Tuesdays I usually try to do it at least three times.
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