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Friday, April 13, 2012

Warning: irritant

Some things irritate me.  Some of them are understandable, like mosquito bites and the Essex accent.  Others are a bit more... weird.  But for some reason the "weird" ones irritate me a lot more than the normal ones.  Perhaps because I can't get anyone to agree with me.

Things that irritate me (and probably no-one else):

1.   Couples who call each other "babes".  "Babe" is bad enough and makes me want to vom.  TheBloke (TM) tried it once, and that's why he only has one testicle.  But "babes", especially in public or via Facebook makes me want to legalise handguns, buy said handgun and then shoot "babes" in the ear.

2.  People who squeeze toothpaste from the bottom of the tube.  Why?  You're going to have to use the bottom half of the toothpaste at some point.  Why make life harder for yourself (and for those who share a toothpaste tube with you).

3.  Anyone who reads chick lit shit in a public place.  Basically anything with a pastel-coloured cover, italic embossed writing in pink and featuring any of the following words: "shopping", "wedding", "kiss", "cupcake", "goodbye".

4.  Same goes for man shit.  Lee Child, Dean Koontz, anything where the hero can punch someone dead or stop a bullet with his rippling chest muscles.  It's just not enough for me to avoid these books myself.  I feel I have to kick anyone I see reading them.  Repeatedly.  Until they understand.

5.  Chigwell Medical Centre.  The only medical centre in the world with a premium-rate phone number, who refuse to take blood, and will only make an appointment grudgingly.  The doctors use Google to look up symptoms. It would be hilarious if they weren't the thing standing between you and potential death.

Discuss.  What irritates you but no-one else?


Erica said...

Tom Hanks.

Anonymous said...

Women (it is always women, sorry)at supermarket checkouts who, having loaded all their shopping into bags and into their trolley, are suddenly astounded to find they have to pay for it. Gosh! Now where did I put my purse? Which of the seventeen zipped compartments of my handbag did I put it into today? Now where is it? And, when they find it, then find coupons, or, unbelievably want to pay in cash which they count out slowly. Tell me I am not alone in thinking that they might have found their purse/debit card whilst waiting for the inefficient female who was in the queue before them?

Judy said...

People who phone me, then want to know my name or the state of my health. Nothing to do with you! You phoned me. What do you want? State your business -see if I can help - then goodbye. Save yourself money - keep to the point.