There are many bits of advice I was given as a child that I have chosen to ignore as an adult. My grandma was extremely insistent that sitting on wet grass would give you a kidney infection. To this day, I have never yet heard the NHS issue such a warning in autumn or in spring, nor have I had a kidney infection from the occasional soggy picnic.
Grandma had quite a few similar rules that must never be broken. These included ensuring you applied camphor and amber (what on earth is amber?) to your chest if you had a cold but you must wash it off the next morning, or you would definitely get a chest infection and probably die.
Going outdoors with wet hair would also lead to pneumonia, and again probably death.
However, serving whipped cream a full five years past its expiry date, greened with age and mould was apparently "nothing to worry about, eat it up".
This one always perplexed me, though to be fair to Grandma, I don't think it was one of hers: "Make sure you wash behind your ears."
Now, I'm going to ask for an amnesty here. Let's be honest with each other. Do any of you, any of you wash behind your ears? I'll start: I don't. I never have. In my 31 and 11/12 years on this planet, I genuinely don't think I have ever washed behind my ears. Having said that, I'm not sure how they would get dirty anyway. It's not as if they go out at night trolling the streets of London by themselves. Besides which, a good shampoo every day would surely dislodge any excessive ear dirt.
But at the back of my mind is a little niggle. What if everyone else DOES wash behind their ears? And what if I've just exposed myself as a dirty-eared whore?
It's hard being me sometimes.