But I was asked, and, for better or for worse, I decided that yes, I guess I could do worse than spending the rest of my life with TheBloke (TM), besides which, he told me he had a diamond mine, and all South Africans do. I haven't seen it yet, but I definitely believe him. And so off to South Africa we toddled and had ourselves a wedding.
And sometimes, let's be honest, we all think, "Oh God, what have I done?" These moments are usually limited to:
- Him kicking me in the night (he claims I'm on his side of the bed, and actually that I was kicking him, but he should have known my foot wanted to go there and got out of my way)
- Him stealing my shower gel, because he likes the way the tea tree and mint tingles his man parts
- Actually, that's about it.
And other moments, I just know I made the right decision. Like today. I got home from work.
"Guess what?" asked TheBloke (TM).
"What?" I - let's face it - predictably reply.
"At Liverpool Street today, I saw Belinda McOrange!"
"Hmm," I said. I was fully aware that TheBloke (TM) had never met Belinda McOrange, so was unsure how he had identified her. "How did you know it was her?"
"I recognised her from those school reunion photos," he said. "I thought, 'Do I know that girl?' - then I realised I only knew her from those orange photos."
"Oh," I said. "That's very impressive. I find it hard even to recognise people I know quite well when I see them out of context. Well done you. How did she look?"
"Short," he said. "Orange. A bit chunky. Not bad at blow jobs though."
I made the right decision.