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Thursday, April 01, 2010

Medium at large

Ploggers, I am disappointed in you. For several years now, I have been Plogging away, hoping to bring a smile to your sad old faces from time to time. Feeling that maybe, just maybe, I was beginning to build a bit of a brand for myself.

Today I looked at the statistics on how people are accessing the site. Look at this. Just look at it.

I hope you can read that. If not, it shows quite clearly that "Monty Cat Nunn" is the top- by far - search term in Google to find my page. "Laura's Plog" gets fewer than half as many hits. So not only do I have a stupid, ginger, expensive cat who's too thick to learn the use of a cat flap (hint Monty: the clue's in the word "flap"), but he's now taking credit for my Plog. Well, someone isn't getting his meaty nibbles tomorrow. (I've just told TheBloke (TM) this and he's now upset and worried I'll take his meaty nibbles away. That's South Africans for you.)

You'll be pleased to know that people are still looking forward to seeing Tamsin Greig naked on this Plog. I'm beginning to wonder what the fuss is about and beginning to think I'd quite like to see her naked too, so I'll keep you posted on that. Also an honourable mention for Erica, whose Wanking Club, apparently is still - erm - up and coming?

Bizarrely, the most emails I get from fans (oh, OK, people who ended up on the wrong website accidentally) are about Madam Tamar, a medium I went to see when I was about 17. I say a medium, in so much as she was a fortune teller, not just a lady who was of average size. I remain a healthy sceptic (as healthy as I can be with the amount of chocolate I pour down my throat on a daily basis) about all things otherworldly... and generally prefer my life without a spoiler alert. However, my cousin Nicky does regular medium work. As in spiritual stuff, not as in she works moderately hard. I think I already did that joke.

So... (clears throat). Once and for all. Everyone looking for Madam Tamar of Weston Super Mare (or Weston Super Mud as we always called it). We are fairly sure that the lady in question has - in spiritual language, "passed" or in Laura language, "kicked the bucket". She was at least 312 so I guess that's a good innings.

So, why not give my cousin Nicky a try? Her website is at http://www.nicolajefferies.co.uk/ and I can vouch for her being a lovely human being and a good laugh. She lives in Bristol, so I reckon she's probably got Madam Tamar's patch covered. (I wonder if I've accidentally started some sort of spiritualist war where each medium owns a patch like a drug dealer. That would be very funny. But of course they'd see it coming.)

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