Returning to my "things I hate about planning a wedding" series. At number 3 we have the conversations. Without fail, everyone seems to think that having a wedding should be the most life-defining point, and therefore, you should think of very little else.
Browsing idly in a wedding dress shop the other day, the shop assistant came over to me and started talking - unprompted, I hasten to add - about tiaras. "Yeah, tiaras are really going out of fashion these days. People are asking for like clusters of jewels on the side... you know like Cheryl Cole had?"
Truthfully I replied, "No."
"Well, you know on The X Factor?"
Truthfully I replied, "No."
"Well, you know in the bridal magazines?"
Once again, I was truthful, "No."
But at this point, I began to feel pressured. Why don't I have opinions on these things? So, I parted with four English pounds and ninety English pennies and bought a magazine with pictures of seemingly identical dresses and utterly ridiculous articles.
Here is a genuine top tip from the magazine: "Planning a wedding tends to consume all your spare time, so it's important to try and do one thing for yourself each day that has nothing to do with the wedding - paint your nails, read a magazine, make a dentist appointment or just go for a walk..."
Erm... ONE thing each day? So whilst I'm sitting on the loo taking a dump, I should be thinking about table plans? And how is making a dentist appointment something I should relish doing instead of wedding planning? And really? ALL my spare time? Seriously? What the buggery bollocks are you going to do after the wedding if you've dropped all of your friends and hobbies in the months leading up to your dull, dull party?
Don't understand it. Do not understand it. But I am bizarrely interested to see what Cheryl Cole's tiara substitute looked like.
3 comments:
I now realise that when she mentioned X Factor and asked if we had seen it and I said 'Yes!' that I thought she meant 'the X Files'
I don't know what the X Factor is other than it is on TV
Anonymous, either you are my mother, or else I have a really odd stalker...
... who has the same pop culture retard gene as me.
L x
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