Bully for me

There are some things in the world I consider myself very - or at least fairly - good at.  These include (but are not limited to):

• Being organised - no-one plans in advance like I do
• Being loyal - a lot of my best friends I've known for 20 years or more
• Being good at spelling.  Mostly.  Though the word "committee" throws me more often than it should.

There are other things - of course - that I'm not so good at.  These include (but are not limited to):

• Maths
• Making Victoria sponge cakes (unless you particularly like one half of the sandwich so undercooked that it was actually runny... and then microwaved until it turned rock hard.  Luckily TheBloke (TM) did indeed seem to like that.)
• Reverse parking

And in the final list we have things I'm truly terrible at.  This is mostly:

• Sense of direction
• The Xbox games Portal and Portal 2.

I suspect the two are linked.  For those of you who haven't experienced the delight of aforementioned video game, essentially you are a girl with two guns.  It isn't, however, a violent game.  Each gun opens a different door.  The orange gun opens a door to... wherever you shoot the blue gun.  Confused yet?  Well, that's just the easy stuff.  Physics comes into play.  You can open an orange door in the floor, a blue one in the ceiling, walk into the orange door and fall out of the ceiling.  Just yesterday I trapped myself in an infinite falling loop.

Now, there is much I like about Portal.  The humour is exceptional and it's a beautifully-scripted game that makes me laugh out loud in a way I don't think any other video game ever has.  It's a welcome engaging and non-violent game.  Unfortunately, the payoffs I get between levels are few and far between as I spend 90% of my time trying to work out why I'm staring at my feet and the other 10% drowning in a puddle.  A puddle which you're not supposed to be able to drown in.

TheBloke (TM), of course, is very good at Portal.  He is also very good at sense of direction and Maths.  Annoyingly he's also quite good at spelling.  But ha!  I win one - he's not loyal at all!  He shags round at every chance he gets.  Not really.  Well he might.  But I doubt it as he's usually tired from winning all the levels on Portal.

He does whizzy things with lasers and coloured paint, and Stephen Merchant (who voices Portal 2) is always saying winning things to him.  I just drown in puddles and stare at my feet.

So, we've established TheBloke (TM) is good at physics, sense of direction and Portal.  So what video game am I good at?  Bully.  We have it on the Wii.  You play a 15 year-old boy who goes round his school beating up nerds.  Key skills?  Giving wedgies and hitting people.

I might put that on my CV.