In the pink

TheBloke (TM) and I don't get out by ourselves very often. However, this weekend, Mr and Mrs Nunn were visiting, which provided us with the perfect opportunity for them to have some quality toddler time, whilst TheBloke (TM) and I had some quality alcohol time.

We decided to go to a bar in London called The Alchemist. It makes what it calls "molecular" cocktails - all a bit Heston Blumenthally - lots of smoke and special effects. I am a sucker for a cocktail, and even more of a sucker if it does something interesting.

The only problem is TheBloke (TM). Neither of us are big drinkers, nor have an encyclopaedic knowledge of cocktails. I tend to stick to the firm favourites (Long Island Iced Tea - mostly because unit-for-unit, I reckon you get the biggest bang for your buck), whereas TheBloke (TM) likes to try something new.

No matter which country in the world we're in, no matter what the cocktail might be called... he ends up with the girliest-looking cocktail in the world. Now, you know me and my lack of fondness for gender-stereotyping; I can only assume TheBloke (TM) is channelling his inner feminist because no matter what he orders, it is always bright pink.

Desperate to break the curse, TheBloke (TM) has previously ordered the manliest-sounding cocktail on menus across the world: a gruff-sounding Caravan (pink), a Gunfire (pink with sparklers) and a Football (pink, sparklers and whipped cream).

This time, not to be fooled, deftly sidestepping such traps as cocktails called Bubble Bath and Wow Woo, he ordered a cocktail intriguingly called The Colour-Changing One. What could possibly go wrong?

It started so well! He was presented with a no-nonsense glass with a huge rock of ice in the middle. He was then handed two scientific beakers, each with a different coloured liquid. One was blue, and the other was clear. His instructions were to mix them. All he needed to make this even more brawny was a hi-vis jacket and some safety goggles. Because he is cavalier when it comes to safety equipment, he didn't even need these!

This is what happened when he mixed the two beakers.

Pink. Pink and bubbly.

Not to be outdone, his next cocktail was called Red Dead Zombie. Can't get gruffer than that, right? It was pink. Pink and bubbly. Again.

Mine, on the other hand, had a rugged piece of bark poking out.

I think it's clear which one of us is more feminine in this relationship. *scratches balls*

Limbo dancing

Today, in the House of Commons, MPs will be voting on three-person babies. For the uninitiated, this is a technique to prevent children being born with life-limiting conditions and disabilities. It has been rigorously tested, and is considered safe and effective. All three people involved in creating the new life are consenting, and a teeny-tiny bit of the DNA (just to replace the faulty part) will be used from the third-person donor.

It stops children dying at birth. At age 2. At age 7. At age 21. It will save hundreds of parents the devastation of losing a child.

This pisses off the Church, who would much rather children suffer (hence "suffer the little children" - they are quite clear about this. I'm not sure why we haven't rumbled them sooner.)

What I really fail to understand is why the Church thinks this is any of its business at all. It's just surreal. I wonder if they regularly phone up Audi and say, "The bishops are divided on the issue of your Vorsprung durch Technik. Therefore, the Church has no option but to condemn your Germanic engineering."

As far as I can tell, the Church's opinion on this issue is totally irrelevant.

It seems to me, far more relevant for scientists to have an opinion on some of the utter guff that the Church puts out there. I'm not talking about the "be nice to people", "try not to murder" and, "why don't you take Sundays off?" I'm OK with most of that (so long as the shops stay open). I'm talking more the Catholic literal belief that taking communion literally (and yes, I do mean literally) turns into the flesh and blood of Jesus once it enters your body.

If I were a scientist, the first thing I would do is fight back. "You can have an opinion on our processes, once we have validated some of your own." I would get some willing volunteers to take Holy Communion, blessed by a Catholic priest, and then do some sort of endoscopy or gastric study to prove, once and for all that bread and wine categorically don't turn into human flesh once you've eaten them.

If they did, I rather think Cafe Rouge might have gone out of business by now.

The Catholic Church believes (or used to believe, until last week, or something, when they - based on no further evidence either way - scientifically changed their minds) the spirits of dead, unbaptised babies fly round an imaginary place called Purgatory.

But, according to the Church, we should condemn a new, evidence-based, life-saving medical procedure, and add to that number of dead Purgatory babies, rather than increase the numbers of live, healthy ones.

Good work, humans!