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Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Sick note

Pretty much the first question people ask you when you tell them you're pregnant is, "Ooh, have you been sick much?"  The answer to that for me was a resounding yes.  I mean, some poor bastards don't get to leave the toilet for the entire nine months.  I was "lucky" in that I was only chundering maybe twice a week, and thank Imaginary Sky Fairy, it stopped after about week 16 or 17.

That's not to say I got off lightly.  Work have been great about me working from home when I've needed to - particularly now I'm bigger and suffering a lot from sitting at a desk all day.  But this was in the early days before I'd told them I was pregnant.

"A day working from home," thought I.  "That'll be the ticket.  Ban that pesky nausea!"

This is what my lunch "break" looked like - do not read if of a sensitive disposition and / or are eating your dinner.

1.00 Decide to cook myself some spaghetti Bolognese.  The Bolognese is from last night.  All I need to do is heat it in the microwave and put some pasta on the stove.

1.05 Whilst past is boiling, decide to put some laundry in the washing machine.

1.07  As I'm putting clothes into the machine, suddenly the thought of dirty laundry makes me sick.  Very sick.  I get to the kitchen sink just in time and heave up the only thing I've swallowed that day: a glass of milk.  Not so bad, you think?  Well, chemistry is one of the many lessons I've taken since getting pregnant.  Basically milk mixed with stomach acid = large white lumps of cheese that I then have to poke down the sink with my finger.  My finger then smells of sick.  This makes me sick again.

1.10 Turn spaghetti off on gas hob and go and brush my teeth.  Wash my hands.

1.15 Finish making spaghetti.  Serve.  Start to eat.

1.25 Phone rings.  It's a work call.  I suddenly realise I need to get rid of them NOW.  I ask them to call back later.  I put the spaghetti down.

1.27  Make it upstairs just in time to have spectacular diarrhoea.  Mostly water, with strange yellow lumps that can only be sweetcorn.  I genuinely cannot remember the last time I've eaten sweetcorn.  I don't think I've had any for at least a month.

1.30 Realise excessive diarrhoea is covering back wall of toilet and will need to be wiped down.  Wipe down with wet wipe.

1.31 This makes me sick again.  Wash hands again.  Brush teeth again.

1.34  Come back downstairs to spaghetti Bolognese which is a) cold and b) has a Monty Cat buried up to his whiskers in it.

Treasure every minute of pregnancy, ladies.  It's almost all as much fun as this.  Next week - piles!

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