Resolution revolution

As a pre-parent, there are numerous things you decide you will or won't do once you've got the actual sprog.

These include:

Planned

- Weekly visits to the library, where ideally a kind-faced librarian will read stories engagingly to your offspring.

Actual

- Went to the library once; waited 40 minutes for a stressed librarian to tell me that she was just too busy to register the baby for a library card.  Pointed us towards children's library.  Hatchet-faced children's librarian didn't speak any English.  Baby did a massive stinky poo as we went past Biographies.  Asked about story time, and was told that only "at risk" children referred by Social Services were welcome to hear about just how hungry that caterpillar was.


Planned

- Cooking together in the kitchen to prepare a sumptuous feast for the whole family.

Actual

- Baby can't actually contribute to cooking process.  This is because she is stubborn.  And six months old.  Baby bangs wooden spoon up and down on highchair and does a massive stinky poo whilst I swear at the rice which is now sticking blackly to the bottom of the pan.  We order Dominos.  Again.


Planned

- No dummies.  Baby will learn to self-sooth.

Actual

- Baby given dummy on day two at the hospital.  Coincidentally the same day as the drugs which had made her sleepy started to wear off.  To give us some credit, we did take it away again.  Four months later.


Planned

- No thumb-sucking.

Actual

- Extreme gratitude that baby has started thumb-sucking; it's the only thing that stops her crying now that we've taken the dummy away.


Planned

- Quality time interaction for every moment she is awake.

Actual

- Three minutes of quality time nursery rhymes before she starts screaming.  And does a massive stinky poo.


Planned

- No television.  Or, perhaps some carefully selected documentaries about environmental impact on tribes in South America.

Actual

- Thank God for CBeebies.  More to follow.