Regression therapy

I'm currently in the middle of a week's annual leave, so I'm getting lots of little jobs done. So far I have achieved an almost unfeasible amount of Very Good Things Indeed. I am very proud of myself and have awarded myself a gold star for good behaviour.

Yesterday I returned to my old stomping ground in Bethnal Green. Well, you've got to do a bit of stomping, haven't you? I met a friend for a walk in Victoria Park and popped in to see my tenants. A few things had changed in the area in the six months since I was last there. The lesbian cafe* had closed down and a new handrail had been put up in the block where I used to live. Beyond that, it was much of a muchness.

I was delighted to see that my favourite notice was still up at the newsagents. In the five years I lived in Bethnal Green, this notice always took pride of place in the front window of the little Asian newsagents.

I love everything about this notice, from the fact that he is a cultured ex-guardsman, to the fact that - God knows how many years ago - he was 73, to the fact that in case there were any ladies dithering, he persuades them at the end with "Go on, you know you want to!!". Those cheeky two exclamation marks at the end, I imagine, make ladies swoon all over the country. Well, all over Bethnal Green anyway.

As I was trying to take a photo of it, as surreptitiously as possible (which wasn't that surreptitious as my phone is quite new and I'm still getting to grips with the photo function), a guy stopped and said to me, "That card has been there for about 20 years. And he was 73 then!" I quickly interjected with, "I'm taking a photo because it's funny, not because I'm going to call him!" I'm not sure if I was entirely believed.

Also, and on a slightly different tack, I'm not entirely sure that corrective discipline and "colonic therapy" go that nicely together. The mind boggles, and the buttocks clench.

So, anyone want to be brave and make Michael's day? Let me know how you get on. And whether he was firm but fair, dominant but cultured, and, of course, exactly what colonic therapy is. I look forward to hearing from you.

* I have no evidence that this was a lesbian cafe other than it only ever had women in it, and they only served organic, vegetarian food and a few of them had short hair. And it was called Wild Cherry. Which sounded vaguely suggestive at the very least.