This Plog is one which my more refined Ploggers may wish to skip. Whilst you are considering if you are the sort of depraved individual who wants to expose themself to filth, we will talk about flowers and butterflies until you are gone... OK. Everyone still here? Thought so...
Sexting. Today we're talking about sexting. For those of you who naive, innocent or backwards with technology, sexting is essentially texting sexual messages to each other. Huge fun if you're 15, and have lightning speed thumbs (for a couple of reasons, actually)... less fun if you're over the age of 20 and in a long-term relationship.
To change the subject for a moment; iPhones are very clever. You use its touch screen to input letters when you're texting, but if you're not accurate enough with the part of the screen you touch, and perhaps type "ans" instead of "and", or "kip" instead of "lip", it will guess what you meant (based on words you normally use) and automatically correct it for you. Very clever indeed.
So, back to sexting. Mostly because we were bored, TheBloke (TM) and I logged onto an iPhone app for anonymous naughty chat. Well, OK then, I did. TheBloke (TM) was watching Dexter on TV.
Straight away, a young lady (lady!) started sexting me. Admittedly I have no evidence she was young... and plenty of evidence she was no lady.
"I am taking off your bra," she sexted. (I was actually wearing a slightly manky sports bra, a bit clammy from the gym, but I didn't mention that to her.)
"OK," I replied. This was apparently encouragement enough.
"Mmm," she tapped into her iPhone making extensive use of her "m" key. "Your nipples are hard as I tub them against my face."
I thought to myself, "tub?". She corrected herself: "*rub".
My sext partner continued. "I'm pulling down you're panties." I let the incorrect apostrophisation pass. It would have seemed impolite to give her a lecture about the difference between the possessive "your" and the contracted "you are" at this stage.
"I flick my tongue against your throbbing clot." By this point I was almost hysterical with laughter, and even TheBloke (TM) and torn himself away from Dexter. She corrected herself again: "*clit". It was this point she decided - clearly - she was going for her best move:
"I'm squeezing your breasts and kicking your clit."
Ouch.
1 comment:
Oh, that nearly made me spit my coffee everywhere. My auto-correct story is not nearly as funny, my iPhone merely corrected GRRRR! to GERRY! so when I cursed whatever it was that was making me grrrr, I invoked the name of the project manager instead. Yours is better.
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