Cape Ape Escape

We had had a great time on safari so far.  Sofari so good.  Sorry, that was poor.  We had seen elephants, zebra, more buck than you can shake a stick at (and buck really hate it when you shake sticks at them) and we had seen tortoises and dung beetles and hippo.

But we hadn't seen baboons.

So off to Cape Point TheBloke (TM) and I went, to drive round their game park which promised, amongst other exciting wildlife, baboons.  Summary of the game we saw at Cape Point:

1. One poorly-looking buck
2. A stripy mouse (click on picture to enlarge)

Somewhat dispirited, we left the game park and started driving back towards our accommodation.

Suddenly, on the road ahead of us, we saw baboons!  Baboons!  And not just any baboons, one baboon quite clearly wanking off another baboon.  Now, anyone who knows anything about nature documentaries knows it's a cardinal sin not to get some photos of baboons wanking each other off.  So TheBloke (TM) pulled over.

Some tourists were going right up to the baboons - we knew this was dangerous, so at this stage we stayed in our car.  Unfortunately at this point, the baboons stopped wanking (maybe performance anxiety?).  Still, from the comfort of the car, we got these photos:

It was at this point, I thought I'd get out of the car and take some more photos.  Now, I'm no stupid tourist.  I was sure to keep at least fifteen metres between myself and the baboons, and to keep my back to the cliff, to be sure none would jump up behind me.  They are intelligent creatures and have massive, massive teeth.  They are strong too, so you wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of one.

So out of the car I hopped, taking the camera with me.  TheBloke (TM) stayed in the car.  After a while, he shouted over to me and pointed out the baby baboon (pictured above) heading towards me.  I smiled, took a blurry photo, and headed back towards the wanking baboons.  That would make a much better picture.

What I didn't realise is TheBloke (TM) was actually warning me that if the baby was close, the mother might get protective and attack me.  I blithely continued taking photos of baboons, which were no longer wanking, but were still behaving amusingly.

At this point TheBloke (TM) (whom I hadn't heard shouting) decided he had to come and rescue his new bride, so he got out of the car.

As he shut the car door behind him, the mother baboon (pictured above with baby), after having sent her baby towards me as a diversionary tactic, jumped through the open car window and got into our car.

Fuck.

This is the best photo I have.

 It's not very clear, but you can see the baboon in the back seat of our car, lifting up the parcel shelf.

TheBloke (TM) took advice from a tour guide who was nearby (plus a bus load of tourists who thought this was hilarious) and opened the car doors.  

He went to the passenger side of the car and saw the baboon in the footwell, going through my handbag.  Out came my credit cards, my iPhone, the sat nav.  TheBloke (TM) banged hard on the passenger window to startle the baboon.  She looked up, glanced at him... and continued her business of checking out my Tower Hamlets library card.  Tourists continued taking video footage.  I don't doubt that we're a top hit on YouTube by now.  Personally, I was too freaked out by the whole thing at the time to take good footage.  This is why I'm not a famous nature documentary-maker.

Eventually a baboon monitor with a large knobkerrie came and threatened the baboon.  He didn't hit her, but he waved his stick around a bit, and the baboon jumped out of the car.

Thankfully, my handbag, although ransacked, was intact and nothing was taken.  We had no food in the car, which I think helped.  And importantly, it didn't poo everywhere.  I wish I could say the same for TheBloke (TM). 

Clever things though - she'd been through the glove compartment, the boot and unzipped my handbag, looking for food.   Not that clever though; if she'd been brighter, she could have traded my iPhone for a Big Mac at the very least.