Never more am I reminded of this than when I go to the beautician. Oh, of course I'm not one of those perma-tanned Essex girls, but every so often, something has to be done about the thickets of eyebrows which sneakily grow in the night. Normally I can maintain myself, but every so often the mass becomes so dense I have to hire a professional.
Whenever I do go to get my eyebrows waxed or threaded or whatever, I try to tie it in with another undesirable treatment that I probably should have (and would want to have if I was a proper girl). The last time this happened was just before we went on holiday. I decided that if I was going to get my eyebrows sorted, I may as well book in a manicure and pedicure too.
I can genuinely never understand how other women manage to enjoy a visit to the beautician.
Those of you who are long-time followers of this Plog will know that I don't generally get on well with pedicures. In fact, I have something of a habit of kicking the pedicurist in the face. I have ticklish feet.
Anyway, forewarned is forearmed, so I jokingly said to my pedicurist, as she started on my feet, "I am ticklish, but I'll try not to kick you in the head!"
The Chinese girl administering the pedicure looked up at me and said, "You fuckin' kick me, I know good lawyer."
This wasn't going well. The woman in the next chair looked horrified. I tried (and thankfully succeeded) not to kick the pedicurist.
"How long since last pedicure?" she asked?
"Oh, erm, about six months," I said.
"Six month? Six month? That is disgusting!"
Now, I will admit that some people have disgusting feet. I can honestly say though, whilst I'm not going to win any foot-modelling contests (slightly hairy big toe), I actually have quite nice feet.
"Oh," I said, "they're not that bad."
"Yes," she said. "I never go most two weeks without pedicure. You disgusting!"
Eyebrows next. Normally eyebrow waxing isn't that painful, but this time, for whatever reason, it really stung.
The eyebrow waxist was the same woman who'd done my feet, called me disgusting and threatened to sue me. "Is this first time eyebrow waxed?" she barked at me.
"Erm, no..." I said. "Are they that bad?"
"No, not bad," she said. "Just why you being such a baby with eye watering? You need relax."
I tried to relax. She came at me with tweezers. I inadvertently flinched.
"For God sake!" said the beautician. "I don't understand. You have had this done before so why you being like this? It's so annoying! You rubbish!"
Finally it was over. I left. I left a tip. I didn't want to get sued. Or followed down the street with tweezers.