Praiseworthy

My old comedy tutor, Rob Hitchmough is running an hilarious campaign to get this week's Songs of Praise the most complained about TV show of all time.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the programme, essentially it's a churchload of old people bussed into a church which is obviously normally nine tenths empty and forced to sing hymns at a camera, for the reward of a slight chance of being on the telly.  They usually feature shots of at least one "ethnic" to show how Christianity is all-encompassing.  Vom vom vom.

"Why Songs of Praise?" you might ask, and you'd be right to do so.  It's a reasonably harmless TV show (save for the fact you have to watch mindless human sheep bleating to their imaginary shepherd), and that's precisely why complaining about it is a genius idea.

For those of you who never saw the extremely special Jerry Springer - The Opera, this is why.  The show went on tour, and was picketed by Christians... the vast vast majority of whom hadn't seen it.  Because "they just knew" they'd find it offensive.  And perhaps they would.  From memory, it does contain the lines, referring to the Virgin Mary, "Raped by an angel... fucked by God."  Actually, the musical is really about loving each other and harks back to Larkin's "What survives of us is love" and Jerry's tag-line, "Take care of yourselves... and each other."  Quite Christian messages really.  Certainly much more so than the death threats the producers received from Christian Voice.  Hey ho, I'm off the topic.

The point is that every time something hits the headlines for being offensive, literally thousands of people will jump on the bandwagon and complain about something they've never seen (like the Russell Brand furore a couple of years back).  The BBC, being a publicly-funded institution, must consider every single complaint.  The Songs of Praise campaign is a reaction to the Daily Mail-reading, "disgusted of Tunbridge Wells" types who complain about offensive material without ever seeing it.

And what - to me at least - more offensive that prime-time indoctrination?

Hence my complaint below.


"I wish to complain in the strongest possible terms about the scheduling of Songs of Praise this week.

I do enjoy watching the show, both for the excellent presenter, Aled Jones, and the great karaoke-style hymns.  ("Lord of All Hopefulness is one of my all-time faves).

However, I was disappointed this week to see that you have taken NO consideration to those of other faiths.  You are undoubtedly aware that the first Sunday of November is the most important date in the Satanic calendar, and I was unfortunately sacrificing a goat at the time of broadcast, meaning I totally missed the verse where "Your trust ever childlike, no cares could destroy", which is totally the best part of that hymn.

By the time I'd finished mopping up the goat blood, that beardy twat Glen was banging on about something or other.

Yes, yes, I know the episode is available on iPlayer, but it's not the same as when I have it on HD on my 56 inch LCD TV.

I hope you will be more respectful to those of us who practise Satanism (but who also enjoy a good Sunday singalong) in the future.

With very best wishes, and may the Prince of Darkness be with you.

Laura"


I look forward to their response.

To join the record attempt, simply click here and complain your little socks off about anything you can think of.