The hypochondriac's 12 gifts of pregnancy

In the sixth week of pregnancy, my true love gave to me: vomiting until week twenty-three

In the seventh week of pregnancy, my true love gave to me, total exhaustion and
vomiting until week twenty-three

In the twelfth week of pregnancy, my true love gave to me: sinusitis
total exhaustion and
vomiting until week twenty-three

In the fifteenth week of pregnancy, my true love gave to me: fifteen random nosebleeds
sinusitis
total exhaustion and
vomiting until week twenty-three

In the twentieth week of pregnancy, my true love gave to me: ONE HAEMORRHOIDAL RING (ouch)
fifteen random nosebleeds
sinusitis
total exhaustion and
vomiting until week twenty-three

In the twenty-fourth week of pregnancy, my true love gave to me: 24-hour back pain
ONE HAEMORRHOIDAL RING (ouch)
fifteen random nosebleeds
sinusitis
total exhaustion and
vomiting until week twenty-three

In the twenty-eighth week of pregnancy, my true love gave to me: acid reflux
24-hour back pain
ONE HAEMORRHOIDAL RING (ouch)
fifteen random nosebleeds
sinusitis
total exhaustion and
vomiting until week twenty-three

In the thirtieth week of pregnancy, my true love gave to me: severe anaemia
acid reflux
24-hour back pain
ONE HAEMORRHOIDAL RING (ouch)
fifteen random nosebleeds
sinusitis
total exhaustion and
vomiting until week twenty-three

In the thirty-first week of pregnancy, my true love gave to me: explosive diarrhoea
severe anaemia
acid reflux
24-hour back pain
ONE HAEMORRHOIDAL RING (ouch)
fifteen random nosebleeds
sinusitis
total exhaustion and
vomiting until week twenty-three

In the thirty-second week of pregnancy, my true love gave to me: two leaky boobs
explosive diarrhoea
severe anaemia
acid reflux
24-hour back pain
ONE HAEMORRHOIDAL RING (ouch)
fifteen random nosebleeds
sinusitis
total exhaustion and
vomiting until week twenty-three

In the thirty-third week of pregnancy, my true love gave to me: 15 random mood swings
two leaky boobs
explosive diarrhoea
severe anaemia
acid reflux
24-hour back pain
ONE HAEMORRHOIDAL RING (ouch)
fifteen random nosebleeds
sinusitis
total exhaustion and
vomiting until week twenty-three

In the thirty-ninth week of pregnancy, my true love gave to me: one baby girl. At least, I fucking hope so.
15 random mood swings
two leaky boobs
explosive diarrhoea
severe anaemia
acid reflux
24-hour back pain
ONE HAEMORRHOIDAL RING (ouch)
fifteen random nosebleeds
sinusitis
total exhaustion and
vomiting until week twenty-three.


Seven weeks to go. Ugh.