Ikea Part Two

You asked for it. Well, actually you didn't. But you're going to get it anyway.

So, a quick recap. We'd ordered wardrobe doors. They were the wrong size. We cunningly ordered the correct-sized doors and a double bed to arrive on a Friday that I was working from home. Genius that I was, I asked Ikea to pick the wrong-sized doors up at the same time they delivered the bed and the new doors.

That was obviously a ridiculous request. It was a different company who would be collecting the items. Even though it was all through Ikea. No worries. I carefully told both companies I was in all day from 7 a.m. until 5 p.m., but had to leave at 5. They said this wouldn't be a problem.

D-Day (Door Day) arrived. At midday there was a reassuring ding dong as the doorbell announced the arrival of our new wardrobe doors and our bed. The mattress was to be ordered at a later date from a company other than Ikea, as their mattresses were pretty expensive.

In came the doors. In came the bed. Off went the Ikea employees.

5 p.m. came. The old doors still hadn't been collected. I called the collection company, who informed me they'd been in Ipswich and should be with me by 7. I asked if we could reschedule. The guy didn't speak much English but told me we'd be charged £35 for rescheduling delivery. I reasoned with him (shouted at him) a little bit until he understood my point and agreed a free redelivery the next day (Saturday).

Saturday came. Ding dong went my doorbell. In trudged two surly-looking Polish chaps. I showed them where the wardrobe doors for collection were. They said, "Is only three items. I must collect six items." I showed him the bag of hinges that had come with it. "That is still only four items. I must collect six items, or nothing at all." I opened the bag of hinges, in which were four small bags of hinges. "No, that is now seven items. I must collect six." I hid one bag underneath another, presented it to him, and he went away happy.

After leaving muddy footprints up the freshly-carpet shampooed stairs. And the toilet seat up.

We then discovered the wardrobe doors don't come with handles. So the next weekend we went back to Ikea to buy some wardrobe handles.

A week later, TheBloke (TM) put together the new Ikea bed for the spare room. It was at this stage we found out it was just the frame. There were none of the wooden slats that you would need to put a mattress on. I called Ikea. I was told that it was their policy to sell beds like this, and we'd have to go and buy the slats if we wanted them. So, off to Ikea we went, for bed slats. Another £20 - not a fortune, more a frustration.

And, dear reader, this is just the start. Stay tuned for yet more stupidity. Ikea's. Not mine. Well, mostly Ikea's.