Lies, damned lies and food diaries

So, this week I am keeping a food diary, for an annual health assessment. I have never been particularly concerned about what I eat, and though I've put on a bit of weight in the last year, I'm still only around 8 stone, so I wasn't unduly concerned.

First stop, questionnaire from a multiple choice list:

Q: How often do you drink alcohol?

A: On special occasions

Q: When you make scrambled eggs or omlettes, how many eggs do you use?

A: I don't eat scrambled eggs or omlettes

Q: What type of salad dressing do you use?

A: I don't use salad dressing.

Witness, if you will, Friday's food diary:

Breakfast: bacon and scrambled eggs

Lunch: parma ham and avocado salad with dressing

Dinner: Chinese takeaway and vodka and coke. There was no special occasion.

I have to itemise all this on the food diary. BUPA are going to think I'm a pathological liar. With an alcohol problem.

I've also found myself lying about the number of Malteasers I've eaten. I know I'm only cheating myself, but it feels wrong to admit I ate an entire treat sized bag for lunch. As if, if I admit it, I'll immediately succumb to diabetes / heart disease / fatness. Lying about it, however, protects me from these things.

Also, does anyone know if the raisins in a scone balance out clotted cream and jam from a health perspective?

Five portions of fruit and veg a week is OK, isn't it?