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Sunday, June 27, 2010

The birds

Sing a song of sixpence
A pocket full of rye
Four and twenty blackbirds
Baked in a pie

Blah blah blah until this slightly disturbing verse:

The maid was in the garden
Hanging out the clothes
When down came a blackbird
And pecked off her nose.

She made such a commotion
That little jenny wren
Flew into the garden
And put it back again

Now, I'm no expert in medical matters, but I have to say I feel some sympathy for the poor maid here. She was going about her own business, hanging out the clothes. Just an average day at work.

Then, out of nowhere, a fucking blackbird comes and takes her nose right off. I mean talk about a case for Claims Direct ("Have you been injured at work?). But here's where the sympathy kicks in. "She made such a commotion". Like she's milking it a bit. I mean really, the poor fucker's just had her nose ripped off by a bird whilst hanging out the washing.

A bit of a commotion is the least I could understand. Picture yourself hanging up your washing, and suddenly, a bird flies into your garden, and attacks your face. Now, as I said, I am no medical expert, but I bet to take an entire nose off, that's going to take quite a lot of pecking. Noses don't come off that easily (unless you're Michael Jackson).

So the maid is lying on her back in the garden whilst a turdus merula is repeatedly stabbing her face with its sharp little beak.

Like I said, picture yourself in that situation. "A commotion" doesn't do justice to the amount of horrified screaming I, and likely any witnesses, would be doing. But no. She's just causing a scene. Typical woman.

Good job jenny wren is there with her surgical knowhow and rhinoplasty kit. Which is of course ridiculous. Birds can't do complex surgery. They don't have opposable thumbs for starters. So really when jenny wren "put it back again", really she just dropped the bloodied lump of gristle back on the traumatised maid.

I love kids' rhymes.

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