Cold reception

For those of you who were in any doubt, I'm not a particularly girly girl. I'm by no means a tomboy, but I have not yet seen any compelling evidence why I should cleanse, tone and moisturise every night (nor even one of the three - how dirty is my face supposed to get between daily showers?). In that category, you can also add putting make-up on before work; that's precious sleep time I'd be wasting. And finally, I do not believe I have ever "touched up" my lipstick after leaving the house.

I am at peace with all this.

So, it's with some difficulty I am reconciling myself to wedding planning. There are so many frilly little details I'm just not interested in. So over the next few days, I'm going to treat you to my top three wedding related gripes to date. Because I might hate girly stuff, but I sure as hell love to complain.

So, Thing number one: The Venue

I hoped this would be fairly easy; our plans are to get married out in South Africa, and I hoped to do it all by email, to cut down on having to go somewhere and squeal about how exciting it all was. The following exchange is a genuine one between a lovely elephant sanctuary and myself that we visited when we were in South Africa last where I thought it would be a bit different to hold the ceremony.

Laura:

Hi

My partner and I are considering getting married in South Africa.

We are not expecting many guests (max 30). We are considering holding it in April next year and are flexible about date.

Can you please let me know what wedding packages you have available and at what cost?

Thanks

Knysna Elephant Park:

Hi Laura

May I asked where you heard of the wedding venue at Knysna Elephant Park?

Kind regards

Marlize

Laura:

Hi

From this site:

http://www.sa-venues.com/gardenroute/weddings/knysna.php

Thanks

Knynsa:

Thanks Laura

That’s strange, because we aren’t listed on that site.

Keep well

Marlize

Laura:

Are you not interested in giving me a quotation for the day? We visited Knysna a few years ago and thought it would be a lovely venue for a wedding - but you seem unwilling to help out!

Thanks

This went on - believe it or not - for two months, with Marlize eventually giving us a quotation higher than the prices on the website... and when asked if she could negotiate, she promised a response a couple of days later... which took three weeks. When I finally got assertive by email, saying this wasn't good enough and that I needed a revised quotation and someone else to liaise with by the end of the week, she eventually sent through the same estimate (rand for rand) that she'd sent through two months earlier. Genius.

So, what have I learned from this experience? 1) I will not, sadly, be having baby elephants at my wedding. 2) I would not recommend Knysna Elephant Sanctuary as a wedding venue, nor Marlize as an effective employee.

Tomorrow... Number 2. (I really ought to eat more fibre.)