Working girl

I have been extremely busy at work recently.  Not the sort of busy where you think, "Ho hum, I've barely had the time to do my internet banking today and I only got to take 40 minutes for lunch," but the sort of busy where not only is the idea of lunch entirely ridiculous (like some clichéd 80s' film about investment banking... oh wait a minute), but where you don't quite get round to getting yourself a glass of water.  On Wednesday last week, I worked ten hours without getting up to go to the toilet.  Mostly because I hadn't had enough time to get a glass of water, therefore didn't really have the need.

I know this isn't good, isn't healthy - hell, isn't even productive in the long term, but we all have weeks like this.  But it does make me laugh, especially as I'm trying to plan a wedding.  I say "plan a wedding" - I'm extremely fortunate that my sister-in-law-to-be is doing the vast majority of the logistics, and the very most I ever have to do is to reply to her emails with my choices.  So she'll email me and ask me what time I want the hairdresser, and what sort of flowers I want and she does the rest.  That is lovely.  But the wedding magazines make me laugh.

I only bought one (and I shan't do it again - at least not until my next wedding), but here are a few top tips:

• Try to do one thing each day that isn't related to the wedding; take a walk or make a dentist appointment.  

Really?  Just one thing?  OK.  But I might lose my job, be unable to pay my part of the mortgage, and my relationship might break up as a result of the stress.  But if you say so.

• Wear your wedding shoes every day for at least four hours, whilst you're walking round the house

This sounds like sensible advice.  And fuck - they are certainly uncomfortable shoes.  But I did ask the wedding assistants and they were quite adamant that Uggs aren't really appropriate bridal attire.  But I don't get home from work until 7 p.m. at the earliest.  This means I have to stay up until 11 p.m., walking round the house.  This is what my schedule normally looks like on a weeknight:  7 p.m. get home.  7.30 p.m. cook dinner. 8 p.m. eat and watch TV until 9.30 p.m. when I get into bed.  Perhaps I could see if my employers think it's OK for me to wear my wedding shoes in the office?

• Step up your skincare!  From 12 months before the wedding you should be having regular monthly facials. Invest in some top-quality moisturiser.

12 months?  Seriously?  He only proposed in May.  Regular facials?  I was planning on maybe using some moisturiser a week or so before the wedding.  Will that do?

• Diet!  Eat healthily, exercise. You'll feel great, be healthy and look slimline on your big day!

Fuck off.  I made pastry from scratch today.  It has shitloads of butter in but it tastes great.  Besides, now I've caught myself a man, I thought the whole point was I could now let myself go.  Why else would I get married?

I might write an alternative wedding guide.  Wedding guide for the lazy bride.  Has a ring to it.  Geddit?  A ring?  I'll go now.