Joint account

So, based on the last post, TheBloke (TM) and I decided that in order to get the best of both worlds, we should collaborate on a novel.  Now, because we don't like each other's company enough to actually sit down and decide plot, character and style, we decided just to write one paragraph each.  The below is Chapter One.  See if you can guess who wrote which paragraphs.  It's not rocket science.

The Emotional Vampire Unicorn - Chapter One


Sonia woke up knowing it was going to be a good morning.  The sun was shining, it was a Friday, and she was planning to meet her best friend Jeremy for lunch in town later.  As she got dressed, she admired her bedroom, which she’d recently had redecorated.  The painter had done a really good job.  She was happy.  She went downstairs to make breakfast.


As she skipped down the stairs towards her kitchen, her massive breasts bounced as if in slow motion. Her roommate Tanya was already in the kitchen making a fresh coffee. She was naked, which was not unusual for Tanya, as she quite often walked around the house naked. Sonia admired Tanya’s sexy curves, while gathering supplies to feed her dragon who would be arriving soon from the mountains of Smork to be fed and then take Sonia off to work.

Sonia and Tanya were very best friends... but that wasn't to say that sometimes Tanya could irritate Sonia.  They had had countless petty arguments about whose turn it was to buy toilet roll, and who had run up the phone bill last quarter.  But underneath the squabbling, they were solid.  They'd been at school together and were as close as sisters.  Sonia was slightly jealous of Tanya's job, as she worked from home most of the time, as a freelance journalist.  Sonia herself had to trek to Westminster every day for her job as a political researcher.

Sonia said good-bye to Tanya with a passionate kiss on the lips and a soft pinch of her nipple. Tanya smiled and smacked Sonia's pert buttocks as she turned to leave. Gathering the food for her dragon and her trusty sword, she headed outside where Fenhark, one of the mightiest dragons in the kingdom, was swooping down towards the clearing outside of Sonia's house. Once Fenhark was fed, she mounted the mighty beast and they headed for the skies on route to Westminster, which was also known as the forbidden forest, where Sonia would research how the clans of the north would react to her killing the ninja warlord Shupang, in a bloody battle.


Whilst Sonia went off to work, Tanya finished clearing up in the kitchen, got dressed and sat in front of her laptop.  A freelance journalist's lot was not an easy one; today she had to try and eke out a 1000-word article on the merits of a certain brand of dishwasher powder.  She promised herself that if she could do it within an hour and a half, she'd reward herself with a cup of tea, a biscuit and a chance to write some of her personal project - a story about a little girl with a big imagination.

Just as she was about to type, the front door shattered and zombie lurched into the house, seeking living flesh to quench its insatiable appetite. Tanya reacted quickly and reached for her powerful laser-guided splinter-gun, which was secured to the underside of her desk. She turned with the gun firmly in her slender hand, as the first zombie reached for her throat. Tanya jumped backwards as the zombie’s flailing hand missed her throat, but caught her blouse, tearing it to shreds. Tanya didn’t hesitate, firing the first round of the powerful handgun into the undead creature face, splattering its brains across the newly repainted wall. Sonia would not be happy when she returned tonight.