So Mr Nunn was talking to me about my Plog. "You're right," he said. "I can never remember what the phonetic alphabet is supposed to be either. And whenever I'm talking to someone at a call centre, I can only think of naughty words that start with that letter. And it's not usually appropriate."
So, for you, my dear Ploggers, Mr Nunn's Sweary Phonetic Alphabet:
A - Arse
B - Bollocks
C - Cock
D - Dick
E - Elephant cock
F - Fuckwad
G - Gonorrhoea
H - Handjob
I - Jap's Eye (I think this one is stretching it a bit)
J - Jap's Eye (I never said creativity is his strong point)
K - Knob
L - Lesbian
M - MILF (Or, at his age, "a younger woman")
N - Nonce
O - Orgasm
P - Prick
Q - Queer
R - Rim job
S - Sodomy
T - Tits, tits, tits
U - Urinary tract infection
V - Venereal disease
W - Wanker
X - Xenophobia
Y - Yanking myself off
Z - Zipper
Admittedly, to spell his own surname with this method, Mr Nunn would have to say, "My name is Nunn. Nonce, urinary tract infection, nonce nonce". Which has its drawbacks.
Also, anything with a Y in it, has the potential for someone to put the phone down on him pretty quickly. Unless he's phoning one of the "special" phone lines, where that's probably quite normal. What's probably less normal is him dictating things via the phonetic alphabet to a sex phone line. Unless that's what does it for him. I think I've thought about this a bit too much.
I'm going off to be sick now.
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