Probably the worst airline in the world

If Carlsberg made airlines... they'd be a hell of a lot better than British Airways.

Certainly, if Carlsberg did make airlines, chances are the staff might be a bit drunk, the pilot could be a lager lout, and the flight itself might be a tad on the unsafe side. But even with drunk obnoxious staff, pilots on the piss and copious vomiting into aisles, I would be willing to bet that this would still be better than BA (Big Arseholes).

First of all, Big Arseholes don't fly from Glasgow to London City, so I had to come back to Heathrow. Fine. So the flight was delayed by about 40 minutes. This was a bit annoying, especially as they wouldn't transfer me to the earlier flight, even though it wasn't full and I had a flexible ticket. Then the air conditioning on the plane wasn't working so the "slightly stuffy, sorry folks" was actually somewhere between lethal and very lethal. And to add insult to injury, when we finally did land, nearly an hour late, we had to wait a further forty-five minutes for the luggage to arrive. This was apparently owing to "not enough baggage handlers".

Top tip, tossbags, if you don't have enough staff to run an airline, you shouldn't try to run a fucking airline. Wankers.

OK, that's the Tourette's over with. Other than airline incompetence, it's been a lovely weekend with Nice Kate and her brood. We saw Holyrood and went bowling. I actually won at bowling. This must mean Nice Kate is very, very, very bad at bowling, because I haven't won a sporting event since the 1988 egg and spoon race.

I should have come first in that race, but owing to circumstances beyond my control (Dad with his camera. Not that I'm bearing grudges), I got put off and only came third.

Still, that egg and spoon race certificate is the only sporting certificate I have to this day. Apart from the glory of beating Nice Kate and her 12 year-old daughter at ten-pin bowling. With the aid of lane buddies. Shut up.