Streetwise

I had to drive to Bluewater this evening. For the uninitiated, it's a big shopping centre, a bit like Lakeside, but with all the chavs filtered out through a special chavlimination system. It's very high-tech.

The downside was I needed to be at Lakeside for 7 p.m., meaning I had to set off during rush hour. Worse still, something had fucked up somewhere (these might not have been the exact words of the travel news announcer on the BBC) and it took me almost an hour to get to the Blackwall Tunnel. It would have been quicker to walk. But less fun as I'd not get the chance to hoot my horn so much at London's many idiots.

My favourite road idiots today:

- Angry black woman who'd drive up on kerbs and in between two lanes of traffic to ensure she was one more car ahead than you were.

- Middle aged middle managers sitting in the middle lane doing a middling 50.

- A multitude of white van men who use the world as their ashtray. Sometimes I wish lung cancer was faster acting.

- People who break down in French cars. If you're going to break down, do it on your own time.

Isn't "middle" a funny word when you think about it for too long?