Amsterdam, m'kay?

Let's talk about the weekend in Amsterdam.

I had been to Amsterdam once before, when I was about fifteen. My parents took me as I was very interested in Anne Frank, having studied her diaries at school and been in a school play about her. We went to some bulb fields, went to the house and pottered around the Red Light District, which perhaps wasn't entirely appropriate for my brother, who was only about nine years old at the time. Still, he grew up to be a very normal, balanced transvestite, so perhaps everything worked out for the best.

This was the first time I'd been to Amsterdam as a grown up.

And before I start this tale, for anyone unfamiliar with my world, let's face it, I'm square. I'm squarer than a rectangle with four equal sides. I didn't get drunk for the first time until after the age of 18. I gave up alcohol about three years ago, and very rarely drink these days. I never had a teenage rebellion.

So Amsterdam was something of a revelation.

I don't need to spell it out for you, but let's just say that I had a couple of very yummy and perfectly legal brownies from a cafe in Amsterdam. Perhaps it was a mistake to have two brownies. But they were yummy. And I got very hungry you see. Very, very hungry. So hungry that two bumper packs of crisps (I'm talking the ones that are too big to hold in one hand) and three packets of biscuits could not satiate.

Anyway, after I had the brownies, TheBloke (TM) and I had some genius, genius ideas about projects. They were so genius that at the time, we literally couldn't stop laughing about how funny they were. However, the next day, we couldn't remember any of them. Luckily, I planned for this eventuality and wrote down the brilliant ideas. Which don't seem quite so brilliant in the cold light of day.

For your delectation, the brilliant ideas from our Amsterdam minds:

Children's Book: Wobster the Lobster
Stage Show: The Beatles on Ice (surviving members)
Sitcom: The Sinister Plate
Children's Book: The Very Promiscuous Hedgehog
Restaurant Idea: McDonald's Drive-Thru Shooting
Evolution Idea: Fish need more eyebrows (especially sinister fish)

If you can spot any genius in those ideas, I'd love to hear from you. Because at the time they were the cleverest and funniest thing anyone had ever thought of. And now, it's hard to capture just why they were so brilliant. Any help appreciated.