Secure and complex

South Africans take their security seriously. Very seriously. Every house has an electric gate and barbed wire around the perimeter. Crime is high, life is cheap. Most houses have armed response units and a panic button to summon them. Anything not chained down will be stolen.

This morning TheBloke (TM) got up early to drive his mum to work, so we could have the car for the day. "Relax," he said to me. "Have a lie-in, take a nice long bath. I'll be a while."

A minute or two later I got out of bed and ran the taps for a nice bubble bath. The plumbing made a banging noise which made me jump. "Chill out, Laura," I thought. "Just the plumbing." Whilst the bath was running, I brushed my teeth.

BANG! Again. The family's dogs started barking. I thought I heard shouting. "You're being paranoid," I told myself. I continued to brush my teeth, looking up at the barred window, a foot or so above my head.

SMACK! A fist came into sight and smacked hard against the window. Shit. I really couldn't ignore that. "What?" I shouted. No reply. Completely naked, I put a towel around me and went into the hall. "Who's there?" I shouted. I tried to feel brave, though I wasn't sure how useful I'd be in a fight against armed robbers with only a towel to defend myself. Perhaps my tits might destract them for a second or two, but let's face it, that was a short-term strategy.

I had no idea where the panic button was. Moment of truth. I went to the door where the latest set of banging was coming from. "WHO IS IT?" I shouted.

"Laura, it's me," called TheBloke (TM). "Can you open the door?"

Turns out he'd forgotten his keys to the electric gate and were locked... well, in actually, locked in the garden. Africa. Dangerous place.

In other news, I stroked a lion today. I'm super brave.