Mini adventure

"Hello, is that Laura?"

I had made the mistake of answering my mobile whilst making a delicious lasagne.  Of course it was delicious.  My lasagnes always are.

It was the Mini people on the phone.  As in the people who had sold me my Mini, not a bunch of teeny tiny people.  That would be weird.  And also, how would I know?  They were on the phone, so I couldn't see their height.

"We would like you to take part in some market research," the Mini person of probably-normal-height told me.  "And we will pay you £40 for your opinions."

That is a lot more than TheBloke (TM) normally pays me for my opinions, so I agreed.

It wasn't that simple.  Of course it wasn't.

"Firstly, I just have to run through a few questions with you to check that you're eligible."

"OK," I said, keeping a watchful eye on my delicious lasagne.  One must always be on one's guard against the Monty Cat who eats human dinners out of spite. And because my lasagnes are so delicious.

"Do you work in Marketing, Market research, Car design, blah blah blah?" asked the average-sized person?

"Nope," I said.  "I worked in Marketing about 4 years ago, but not now."

"Great.  That's fine.  And you're 30?"

"NO!" I might have said that a bit too loudly.  "I am 29."  This is true. I am 29 for another four and a half months and NO-ONE is taking that away from me.

"Great.  Just a few more questions.  If you could be any figure from history, who would you be and why?"

"Sorry?"

She repeated the question.  I said Shakespeare, citing great literature.

"Great," she said, whilst transcribing my answer.

"And, other than clipping a piece of paper, can you give me six other things you could do with a paperclip?"

This was edging towards the surreal.  But luckily I used to play a very similar game as a brainstorming warm-up session, so I was well armed.

"A hairclip.  A tiny stake for baby seedlings.  A flagpole for a mouse. For prizing dirt out from under your fingernails. To pick locks.  A weapon," I rattled off, surprising myself.

"Lovely, thank you.  And would you describe yourself as adventurous?"

"Erm, fairly."

"Bright?"

"Yes, I hope so."

"Articulate?"

"Yes."

"Daring?"

I began to realise I was sounding a bit of an egotist.  "Erm, not very daring, no."

"Chatty?"

"I'm not the life and soul, but I'm happy to talk."

"Would you describe yourself as quiet?  We don't want quiet people."

"I'm chatty enough probably for what you want."

"Great," said the average-height person.  And gave me the top-secret address of a top-secret building I have to go to in Islington next Thursday.  Watch this space.

By the way, the lasagne was delicious.