Bookish bookie

Several times by several people I have been called a pop culture retard. I once spent a memorable hour in a hairdresser, having forgotten to bring reading material of my own, and was presented with a stack of magazines.It took me the best part of the hour to work out what a WAG was. And I never did come to a conclusion about why I should care that Posh Spice looked a bit like she was going bald.

My 59 year-old father has far more up-to-date music taste than I do, and many times has told me I should try listening to the Arctic Monkeys or the Killers or some other improbable-sounding popular music group. I do not watch "Eastenders". I could not name all members of Take That (whom I understand these days are somehow retro. I don't understand that either).Even in a police line-up where my life depended on it I couldn't tell the difference between Kings of Leon, Franz Ferdinand and Fightstar.

"But Laura," you might say, "you have just named three very current bands"(or individuals, I'm not sure). "Clearly you have some knowledge of popular culture."

"No," I would reply. "There you are wrong, my friend. Those current names were pulled at random from this list here:http://www.theofficialcharts.com/top40_singles.php. The last CD I bought was Billy Joel. And I'll be honest, I haven't really played it. It was only a fiver, and I quite like 'Piano Man'."

"Oh," you would say. "Oh."

However, when it comes to literary arts, I like to think I can hold my own.I usually read this year's Booker winner, plus several of the nominees; my degree is in literature. I am a member of a book club. I have even written a pantoum and several amusingly-bad Shakespearean sonnets. Fear me.

Today the BBC wrote an article about the new Poet Laureate - Carol Ann Duffy.

They reported:

"She was such a strong favourite to take up the position that bookmakers stopped taking bets on her appointment earlier in the week."

Hold fire. Who... WHO goes into a bookies and says, "£10 on Duffy to be the next Poet Laureate, please."

"OK, mate. Duffy the singer, yeah?" (I only found out about her at Christmas)

"Nah mate, Duffy the poet."

"Right you are... oh hang on, no. Do you mean Carol Ann Duffy? Famous poet on GCSE syllabuses with a weird penchant for other women's jewellery, particularly pearls?"

"Yeah, that's right."

"Sorry mate, we're not taking bets on that. Everyone in the bookie community knows she's a sure thing to win it. Sorry bro."

My point is, that the failure to be able to bet on Carol Ann Duffy's appointment was enough of a problem for the British public that the BBC felt it was worth mentioning. Even I wouldn't bet (or care) who is the next Poet Laureate. So who are these hordes of disappointed literary gamblers?

If you've tried to place a bet on a literary figure in any context (perhaps the release date of Ian McEwan's next novel, or whether those crazy cats Pip and Estelle will ever get together), please drop me a line. I'd be fascinated to know which bookmakers you use.