The cat has had a runny tummy. That sounds an awful lot cuter than "the cat smells like death", which is an equally true statement.
Luckily, Monty Cat has managed to confine his runny tummy to his litter tray, save for the occasional evil-smelling fart. Cleaning the litter tray out last night made me gag twice, but I coped. Life went on.
The problem is this. Monty Cat is a boy cat. This means his attention to personal hygiene is not that brilliant. So Monty Cat currently has smeary cat poo over his bottom. And doesn't seem to be making any effort to clean it. Admittedly, if the only way I could clean my own bottom was by licking it, I might be a bit hesitant too.
I wanted to attack him with a wet wipe, but TheBloke (TM) says he has to learn how to clean himself, and he won't do that if we do it for him. This might be true, but in the interim, Monty Cat smells like death and keeps sitting on things I own. I am following him round with Dettol spray.
Would it be outside of our contractual agreement if I asked the cleaner to polish his bottom instead of doing the ironing today?
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