I awoke at 5.14 and 43 seconds. This was approximately - hell - exactly 17 seconds before my alarm was due to sound. My alarm sounded. I dragged myself out of bed and into the shower and scowled at my shampoo.
On a very early morning it is absolutely imperative to scowl at your shampoo. Never forget this. Do not scowl at your conditioner though. What has your conditioner done to deserve that? I'll tell you. Nothing.
My taxi arrived at six. As I went outside, I thought to myself, "Oh fuck, I've grown cataracts in the night." Actually, dear reader, you will be surprised to learn that it wasn't cataracts, it was fog. Foggy, foggy fog fog fog.
Still, the check-in guy said the flight was running on time... though ten minutes later, the departures board displayed those two words guaranteed to strike dread into any traveller's heart: "Indefinite delay".
Yet, we boarded only fifteen minutes late, at 7.15, and I was optimistic of reaching Edinburgh only half an hour or so later than planned - still plenty of time for my meeting. We then sat on the runway. For three full hours. Four times they told us we were about to take off. And we never did. After three hours, they took us back to the terminal and told us to get off the plane.
(Quick aside here, as it's just made me remember something: when we were travelling to New York, we went with an American airline, who described "getting off the plane" as "the de-planing process". De-planing process? Really? Fuck off. Is getting back on the plane the re-planing process? Would organising the plane before the flight be the pre-planing planning process? What about getting on a plane for the first time? Just the plain planing process, perhaps. Tossers.)
I digress. Basically I wasted another two hours in the terminal before BA took the plunge and cancelled my flight and I decided that my meeting was too far over to be useful to anyone, queued another hour for a refund and headed back to the office.
I know I have already dedicated several Plogs to why the buggery bollocks planes can't take off or land in fog, but I still don't understand it. They fly in the dark. They fly in thick cloud above ground. Autopilot does all the work. How hard can it really be?
Still, I have an unexpected couple of evenings to myself, and I fully intend to take advantage of being entirely de-planed for the next few days.
3 comments:
I have asked Arran.
He says that there are various grades of pilot and depending on your qualifications, depends on how far you have to be able to see in the fog. Cos you have to navigate entirely by the monitors.
Apparently, it's easy at night cos there are lights on the runway. Doh.
How does Arran know? Is he just making things up?
And does this mean that the BA pilots aren't properly qualified? Cause this would explain a lot.
The pilot I met on Monday was my height. I'm sure that shouldn't be allowed in a pilot. They should have deep, reassuring voices and be at least 6 foot.
And what about when you're up in the sky and it's really cloudy?
Ask Arran about these things too. Thank you.
L x
Hey,
I now live with two BA pilots (one of which is my boyfriend, so obviously I'm biased in terms of thinking he's great. I would be stupid not to really. Especially with the travel perks...). They both meet your height and deep voice criteria, and have a reassuring pilot-y air about them. I will do my utmost best to get a full report and get back to you!
Axox
P.S. When can we catch up?!
Post a Comment