Old Bill

Three fuck-wanky bills I've had in the last three days:

Fuck-wanky bill no. 1

RBS. The company I used to work for. I had some shares and - obviously - they're not what they were. In fact, they're now so worthless, that if I want to hang onto them (rather than write off £3000 of what was once cash) I have to pay RBS £375 to cover national insurance and tax. Gotta love the credit crunch.


Fuck-wanky bill no. 2

Lombard. RBS again, by another name. Apparently my company car when it was returned had £400 worth of "unsatisfactory repairs" done to it. Which is amusing a) because 7 out of the 8 repairs they mentioned never happened because the car never needed repairing and b) because the one repair that was done was done by a Vauxhall garage under warranty as the boot stopped working. And the garage used was recommended by Lombard. I am disputing the bill and will keep you posted.


Fuck-wanky bill no. 3

Congestion Zone. Fair cop, they got my car at 9.26 a.m. on Thursday driving through the Congestion Zone. A nice picture of my car's numberplates was attached to the letter. £60. You've got me. Oh, but hang on a minute, I was at work on Thursday. And the car hasn't been stolen. So looks like my numberplates have been cloned. Quick work; I've had the car for less than a month. Disputing this one too, with the help of the Metropolitan or City Police, whenever they can decide whose problem it is.

Still, British Gas sent me a cheque for £15 last week for no discernible reason, so that should see me through, shouldn't it?