Good fences make good neighbours...

We had cleared out the flat at Bethnal Green. In front of the door lay a big pile of stuff, most of it junk, that we didn't want anymore.

There were: cardboard boxes, old handbags, a broken jug, a broken Xbox, an old, slightly broken video recorder, a Roxette music video, some old socks, some more boxes, Groundhog Day on video and a whole load of polystyrene.

I just had to pop back over to the flat to pick up the last few items and do a meter reading. On my way in, a man who I swear I had never seen before in my life stopped me. "You're off, are you?" he asked.

"Yes," I said.

"Oh, I'll miss you; you were good neighbours - I never heard a peep out of you."

I peered at him carefully. He appeared to have come from Parrot Man's flat next door, but this chap was a good twenty years younger than Parrot Man.

"I hope you don't mind," he continued, "but I took some of the stuff you put outside your door." It was like playing Kim's game. At a glance I could see that the video recorder and Xbox were gone. As was (inexplicably) the Roxette music video, two handbags and my socks.

"I don't mind at all," said I. "The Xbox doesn't work though."

"Oh, doesn't it? I did wonder why you were throwing it out. I took your plant too. I thought I'd look after it now you've gone. I water it when you're on holiday you know."

"Oh, erm... I do still want the plant. Can I have it back?" I managed to get this sentence out whilst thinking, "How the holy hell does he know when I go on holiday? Especially as I've never seen him before in my life!"

Luckily at that moment my mobile rang and saved me from further embarrassment. It was Virgin Media. That is another story in itself.

I excused myself and left Parrot Man's housemate to return my pot plant, and let myself into the flat.

Four years I've lived there and have never seen or spoken to whom is apparently my next door neighbour before in my life (though have noticed as I've disposed with broken furniture, lamps, once even an entire fitted kitchen, that they have disappeared into a neighbour's flat).

It made arriving in the 'burbs something of a shock. More tomorrow.