The Christmas carol jazz pianist has been joined by a string quartet. For fuck's sake.
Also, I am sorry to report that I do actually have monkey arms. I went to pick my suit up yesterday, and saw it on the hanger, next to normal people's suits. Normal people's suits had the arms roughly at the waist level. Mine went on for a good three inches further. I have monkey arms.
And apparently my breasts are too big. I was browsing in a lingerie shop earlier today, just looking. A shop assistant came up to me. "What size you?" she asked.
"Oh, I'm just looking," I said, conscious that in Asia, a B cup was probably as large as you were going to get.
"What size?" she said, clearly not understanding me.
Easier the route of no resistance. "32D," said I.
"D?" she - let's be honest - shrieked. "D?! Oh that is very big. Too big. You too big. C biggest. D very big."
Thanks for that. I am the monkey-armed, over-chested girl. Suitors may apply to the usual address.
Also I was given a pearl necklace in the middle of the office this morning, but perhaps that's an anecdote for another time.
1 comment:
Being "very big" (especially in the chest region) is still better than some little Asian lady straining with all her might to get the XL! bikini skirt tied round you and saying "it fiiiit, it fiiit". Erm, quite clearly from her sweat, it didn't! (Again Thailand).
H xx
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