Do you know how many Christmas presents I've bought this year? Do you? Let me tell you: one. Which I gave to someone at work today. That was the only reason I even bought that gift. Because I knew time was short.
Actually, two. I bought my parents Sky+ for Christmas, but the greedy so-and-sos got it installed in November, thus usurping the gift of Christmas giving. Still, one less thing for me to wrap.
There isn't an awful lot I like about Christmas. But my absolute least favourite thing is wrapping presents. I am terrible at wrapping presents. I think my phobia started when I was at secondary school, and we were made to cover our text books in wallpaper to keep them neat. (Yes, before you ask, I did go to a school that based its entire learning methods on those fashionable in the 1950s.) My dad tried to show me how to wrap text books (which were genuinely in many cases, the exact same text books he'd used when at school in the 1950s). He failed. He drew me pictures. He wrote a formula for me (length of book plus 1 inch by width of book multiplied by two plus two inches). Sometimes I cried more over wrapping my text books than I did over the maths homework contained within. More often than not, I invited my friend Jennie over from next door for the dual purposes of wrapping my text books and doing my textiles homework (yes, I told you I grew up in the 1950s) whilst I wrote her English essays. She went to a different school, so this was totally ethical.
However, now I am a grown-up, I have mastered the art of present wrapping. Sort of. I can make most presents look quite attractive with a suitably expensive wrapping paper and a few bits of ribbon. I do however have one rule about presents: they have to be square. Or rectangular. Last year I bought someone an octagon-shaped box. Two fucking hours it took me. I nearly cried.
So this weekend will see a last-minute shopping spree for me. Folks of Loughborough, please be generous and leave me some square presents I can buy.
For Plogger friends - as usual, I won't be sending out Christmas cards this year, and instead will be making a donation to CRY - Cardiac Risk in the Young. This means a) it doesn't matter that I've missed the last post and b) I get to feel slightly smug. I'm so great. So, happy Christmas!