A few weeks ago I got a shiny new mobile phone. For the geeky amongst you, it's a Nokia N95. It can apparently do lots and lots of things. Except I haven't yet read the manual. So at the moment it can answer calls and send text messages. Just like my old phone.
And I've always been a bit of a gadget girl. I've had sat nav for about four years, I had broadband back in 1999... you get the picture. And I do love the moment that a shiny new phone appears and I get to play with it and stroke it and show it off to people. However, I have one big bugbear about new phones. It's the texting. Now I'm a recent Sony Ericsson to Nokia convert (mostly so I can use the same charger as my work phone), so it's not a brand-specific texting problem. So what is it?
Every time I buy a new phone, I have to spend ages teaching the customised dictionary all the swear words. On Friday I had to teach it "fuck" (it assumed I wanted "dual"). "Knackered" comes up as the brilliantly well-known word "localesfe". "Wanker" is "yankep" and "bastard" is "casuase". "Bastard" pisses me off the most (or, as Nokia would have it, "'Bastard' sipper me off the most"). Because "bastard" isn't even slang. It's a bone fide word for an illegitimate child. So if the Nokia people had uploaded a dictionary of the English language, someone would have to have gone through and manually taken out all the swear words. Why? Just so I can spend hours teaching each new phone how to spell "bollocks"? (Hint: it's not "colloals").
Bunch of "aunts", the lot of them.