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Sunday, September 14, 2008


So I live practically next door to a knitting shop. This isn't something of particular interest to me, as I've only ever once tried to knit anything. I was six years old and my grandma decided to help me knit some white woollen mittens for my brand new baby brother.

By the time he was eleven, and I was seventeen, we decided perhaps it was best to abandon the project. Textiles lessons at school usually involved the teacher shouting at me that, "When I said 'tack it', Laura, I did not mean with Pritt Stick!". When I finally fessed up that I hated textiles, she looked shocked and said to me, "What are you going to do when your husband needs a button sewing on his trousers?" This was 1993, by the way, not 1883. I got into a reasonable amount of trouble for looking her dead in the eye and saying, "Mrs Firth, I'm not going to marry a man."

Anyway, you get the picture. Me and handicraft, not a match made in heaven. So the knitting shop nearby, Prick Your Finger http://www.prickyourfinger.com/, has drawn nothing more than the occasional glance from me. It does however, get an occasional glance because they do knit some weird and funky stuff and put it in the window. In the last few months there has been a life-size knitted toilet and basin, a knitted jar of Marmite and a woolly tin of Heinz Baked Beans.

Often I'll come home at about seven or eight o'clock, and there'll be a group of women sitting on stools around the shop, knitting. Inoffensive, I suppose, if you need a hobby. But the other day, when I came home, there was a woman in the shop signing autographs on a book which appeared to be about knitting. Autographs. On a knitting book? And the shop was absolutely full of people. A tiny little shop on a back street in Bethnal Green hosting an autograph signing event? It has to be a cover-up for something. I suspect Mafia involvement.

Still, I think I've finally found somewhere that might knit me a vagina, as they appear to have the male genitalia quite literally all sewn up.


Misssy M said...

Hi Laura, found you via the black box and on reading your post I fear we have something in common. Now I'm not suggesting that you knit yourself a penis, but you may want to look at the naked body suit I made for my husband one Halloween- I sat for over an hour fashioning a cloth penis complete with foreskin. The evidence is here:


Anonymous said...

What an amazing knob. Well couple of knobs actually. Simply marvellous.

Came via Black Box

Crystal Jigsaw x

Anonymous said...

I've seen knitted breasts at breastfeeding classes, and even a knitted womb (complete with umbilical cord, amniotic sac and placenta) at antenatal classes - but that really takes the biscuit!

Shimmy Mom said...

Now that was thought up by a very desperate woman. Just sad really lol! Found you on the Black Box. Have a great day.