Reality sucks

So we didn't all get sucked into a black hole and transported to an alternate reality. Or maybe we did. But the alternate reality seems pretty similar so far - mostly Top Gear repeats and reheated pasta for dinner. Unless, of course, that's what they want us to think. And in fact, neither Top Gear nor pasta actually existed until they switched on their magic machine, but our reality has been reprogrammed to believe that such things have always been.

TheBloke (TM) explained to me that we could all be sucked into the black hole. I told him I wouldn't because I'd hold onto the door frame really, really hard. He tried to explain that the door frame would also get sucked into the vortex. I reasoned that they couldn't just do that because I'm a leaseholder, so I have certain rights. He wasn't sure vortexes respected leaseholder rights. But what does he know?

So anyway we're not in a black hole. Probably.

I'll be honest, philosophy pisses me off.

Whilst school and university friends would happily ponder the meaning of life, whether each atom was a miniature universe in itself and whether we all saw colours the same way, I had to bite my lip very, very hard to resist the temptation to shout, "It doesn't fucking matter. You will never, never know. This is a totally pointless conversation. Shut up and bring me cake!"

It's a bit like modern art. You either love it and find it endlessly fascinating and provocative, or, like me, wander round the Tate Modern saying, "That's shit. That's shit. An autistic two year old could have done that. That's shit and pretentious. Where's the cafe? I need cake."

Unless of course, cake didn't actually exist until they turned on the black hole machine. My head hurts. I'm going to get some cake. Existential or otherwise.