TheBloke (TM) is convinced Jessica, my sat nav system, is trying to kill him. Many a Saturday evening he's returned from cricket, swearing at "that stupid bitch" who either tried to take him a tortuously long route round, or else - he claims - told him to turn left verbally whilst showing an arrow pointing right on screen.
Now Jessica has her foibles, I'm the first to admit. And I've not yet totally forgiven her for the time she took me across Tower Bridge, then back across London Bridge at two in the morning - presumably just for kicks. But I will say, on the whole, though she might not always plot the most accurate route, she does usually get me where I need to be. Which is not bad for a sat nav which is over three years old.
I dismissed TheBloke (TM)'s witterings as incessant blokey whingeing. Until last Sunday. When I have to say, he was partly vindicated. It appears Jessica may have entered the Terrible Threes. She was certainly acting out.
After driving to Havant, near Portsmouth, and it taking rather longer than I expected, on the journey home, I asked TheBloke (TM) if he'd mind taking over, as I was really sleepy. We switched at a service station, and trusted Jessica to guide us on the final stretch home into London.
Through the Blackwall Tunnel, Jessica guided us - and - understandably lost reception whilst we were underwater. So we missed a turn straight after coming out of the tunnel. No worries. Jessica would recalculate. And she did.
"Turn right," instructed Jessica, a little bossily. TheBloke (TM) indicated right, looked, then realised... she was trying to guide him into the fast lane of oncoming traffic of a dual carriageway.
He was right. Jessica is indeed trying to kill him. I am not sure of her motivation - perhaps jealousy. In the meantime, there's definitely an atmosphere between them. I can sense them throwing evil looks at each other whilst I'm driving. It's awkward. I just hope I don't have to choose between them. Because I don't think I could give up my sat nav. Even if she is slightly on the homicidal side.
Sucks to be me.