Nutty

I will come right out and say it. I like pistachio nuts. I like them very much. I would even go so far as to say that they are a near-perfect snack, what with not only being tasty salty little morsels of goodness, but also providing a something to do with your hands whilst you snack. They are extremely good to eat in front of the television, or in the pub, or whilst chatting to friends.

They are not - as I discovered this evening - a particularly good to eat whilst you're trying to read a book. You see, pistachios are very much a two-handed snack. Hold pistachio between two hands, de-shell, eat, discard shell, repeat. Now try this with an Anne Tyler novel between your paws. It's hard - nay - impossible. I covered the sofa in pistachio shell. I covered myself in pistachio skin. It was not an entire success.

I'm also concerned that the politically-correct brigade are not properly doing their job. What about disabled people, people with one arm? How can they be expected to accurately operate this nut which has clearly - flouting all DDA regulations - been designed exclusively for able-bodied people?

It disgusts me. Boycott the pistachio. Send any unused ones to me. Usual address.