Bunch of bankers

Every so often at work we get a little motivational speech. An uplifting re-asserting of our corporate values and a gentle reminder about our financial targets for the year.

Today 200 of us gathered in an overly warm room, with video links to India, Leeds, Birmingham and Edinburgh. All the glamorous places. The head of department took to the stage and shared with us his goals for 2010. We clapped, ovinely.

Then he told us that he wanted to make our company (a large banking corporation) the best place to work and the best place to bank in 2010. He had clearly learned about the power of three in rhetoric as he repeated it. "We need to be the best place to work and the best place to bank."

One more time for luck. This was, in retrospect, a mistake on his part. As our esteemed leader proclaimed to 200 managers and 10 senior managers: "I want to make our office, the very place you're sitting now, the best place to wank."

There was a horrified pause. Then a lot of laughter.

But I remained confused. He says he wants to make the office the best place to wank, and yet, when I did exactly that back in October, I got a written warning and a permanent note on my staff file.

Hypocrite.