TheBloke (TM) bought a new Xbox today. I was allowed a go on Halo. I'm not really sure what it's about, but I think it involved aliens. A woman's voice instructed me that I'd been chosen for my strength and stamina. I wondered if she'd got the right person. I put the game on the easiest setting and marched purposefully into the jungle with my platoon.
For about two seconds.
Then I got lost. I was separated from the platoon within about a second and a half, and spent the next thirty seconds looking confusedly at the floor, whilst TheBloke (TM) gave helpful instructions such as, "Look up! Go left! Mind the rock!" It was just like my sat nav all over again.
A few minutes later I fell into a pond and drowned. The enemy hadn't even shown up at this point. I fear I may not be much help to mankind when the alien revolution comes. But if you do want me, I'll either be walking into a rock or drowning rubbishly in a pond.
TheBloke (TM) on the other hand, shot a member of his own platoon in the head. On purpose. The US Army are looking to recruit him any day.