On form

There's a database we have to fill in at work which tells my employer how I arrive to the office in the morning, and how I go home again in the evening. It has several options: tube, bus, train, walk, cycle, drive - and so on. I think this is probably so they know where you're likely to be should your train capsize or your bus is hijacked. But you can only fill in one option - they make the assumption that you a) always arrive at work the same way and b) that your method of transport home is the same as your method of transport in.

This causes me an issue. I have a strict set of criteria for my mode of arrival at the office:

1. The night before, watch the weather forecast. If the weather is supposed to be nice, set the alarm ten minutes early. Walk 35 minutes to work.

2. If the weather is not nice, or if the alarm goes off early and your first thought is, "I would trade the big toenail on my right foot and both of my tonsils for another ten minutes in bed", then stay in bed for another ten minutes and progress to step three.

3. Walk to nearest bus stop. If you can see a bus approaching, wait. Chances are bus won't stop as it's already full. If it does stop, get on bus for a leisurely 15-minute journey to work. If the bus doesn't stop, or if you can't see a bus, go to step four.

4. Walk to bus stop by tube station. If you still can't see a bus approaching, get on tube.

5. Detest humanity for the ten minutes it takes you to push onto the Central Line. Wish you had a gun with you for all three minutes of the journey. Arrive at work fractious.

I always take the tube home from the office in the evening. I don't know why. I just do.

This morning all was going well. We'd started at step two, and had - for once - some success at getting on the bus close to where I live. I was reading Proust and feeling smug. Until we hit a scooter. (Luckily the scooter-ist was fine. Just angry, and his scooter was a bit broken.)

Basically my employer needs to provide a form that encompasses all of these potential outcomes (possibly exempting the scooter). Should my tube get diverted to Newcastle they have not a hope of finding me.