Sore point

I just saw an advert for Zovirax. Anyone unfamiliar with the product - essentially it's for people with coldsores. I'm lucky enough never to have suffered with a coldsore in my life, but I know that for a lot of people, they're a miserable end to any cold, or even just feeling a bit run down. Surely any product that can reduce suffering must be worth the extortionate fee they slap on it.

Now, my knowledge of Zovirax comes a) mostly from their marketing and b) from my little brother reading the instructions on his tube when he was about seven and asking in a really loud voice, "Mummy, what's oral sex?" He's 23 now, so let's hope he's found out. Not that I want to think about it too much.

That's besides the point. I thought the point of Zovirax was that you applied it when you felt the tingle - to coldsore sufferers, generally the first stage of a coldsore developing. I thought the idea was that, if you caught it early enough, the product could prevent a coldsore. Genius.

But this advert confused me. Apparently yes, you're supposed to apply it as soon as you feel the tingle. Then apply it again when you get the blister. And then keep applying it when you get the scab... what the fuck is this product actually doing? It doesn't prevent the coldsore. It doesn't stop it from blistering. It doesn't stop the scab. It probably does exactly as much use as finding a small twig and poking it repeatedly.

I could do that. This is just one of my credit crunch ideas. Instead of investing in a pricey tube of Zovirax, you could pay me £2 to come to your house and poke you in the face (or elsewhere as necessary for extra charges) with a small twig. I am such a great entrepreneur. If only the banks would realise this and give me the small business startup loan I keep asking for.