You know sometimes in the middle of summer (perhaps not the most recent summer), it's so, so hot that you think to yourself, "I literally cannot imagine winter. I cannot imagine being cold enough to need a coat. Why would I ever want a hat? That would be ridiculous!" We've all felt that way. When the grass outside is prickly and scorched-looking, and you walk to the corner shop, trying to stay in the shade. And you think to yourself, "I wonder what it feels like to be cold..."
The next time you find yourself thinking that, get on a plane, or a train, or, if you're feeling ambitious - drive, to Scotland. Fuck me, it's cold. And no, it's not just a "nippy September day" today, it's always sodding like this. Of course the population is well trained by the tourist board to say consoling things like, "Oh no, you should have been here last weekend - it was beautiful."
But I have been to Scotland at least fifty times, at all different times of the year, and not once, not even in August, has it been anything less than, "Oh shit, I've freezed my tits off."
So yes, I am in the Burgh of Edin. Currently waiting for a very delayed flight, because, as we all know, if Smirnoff made airlines and then forcefed its staff with vodka, they still couldn't be worse than BA.
But anyway, I had a decent trip yesterday, and rather than yet another faceless hotel, I stayed over with my friends Nice Kate and Kev who live here in their very own igloo*. We discussed how stupid some people are. And whether we were scared of spiders. And how Nice Kate is worried because her feet smell of feet.
Today I have also vowed never to buy Samsung products as their advert in my cab this afternoon read, "It's connectivity - at it's best". My eyes, my beautiful eyes! Assaulted by your nasty apostrophisation. Yes, that is a word. I know everything. I hope you join me in boycotting their products. Unless they sell something you really want. That's what I'm doing with Sky. I love Sky+ far too much ever to give it up (and indeed recommend it to all of my friends), but Sky's customer service is so terrible, I am boycotting them. Just not very effectively.
Right. Let's go and see if I can lay my grubby hands on some BA Lounge Shortbread. My life is so full.
* This might be a lie for comic effect.
4 comments:
"I've freezed"? You never get sick of throwing stones in that glass house, do you, Little Miss Grammar Pedant?
;o)
I always say, "I've freezed". It's a deliberate grammatical nuance. I think it's endearing.
I also quite like the title "Little Miss Grammar Pedant", but overall I think I prefer "Grammar Nazi". Thank you.
L x
"Where did you go today, darling?"
"I goed to the shops!"
"Ooh dear... Don't you mean, 'I went to the shops', darling?"
"No Mummy! It's a deliberate grammatical nuance!"
"Oooh dear... I think it's going to be the boarding school for you, don't you, darling? Somewhere far away? Like North Korea?"
:o)
Shut it, you.
;o)
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