I have been on a course for seven days. Think about that. Seven whole days. It started last Sunday (Sunday!) and finished this afternoon (Saturday!). Weekends! Course! Look how hard I work!
Now you're feeling suitably sorry for me, I would like to point out that actually it was a course I really wanted to do, that the company paid for it, and I'm also taking Monday off work as annual leave. So you can stop feeling quite so sorry for me now.
Whilst the decorating has been eminently successful (apart from my usual paint-related headache), in my absence, some Bethnal Green urchin has stolen my hubcaps. Well, the hubcaps from my car. Not my own personal hubcaps. I don't have hubcaps. I did have to check that this didn't mean the wheels would fall off. Car design isn't my strong point. Which is OK actually because I'm not a car designer. Yet.
I already have hubcap-related antipathy; when I was about 15 my friend Jennie got her first car. (She's a few years older than me, not just a joyrider who fancied a Nissan Micra.) The Nissan Micra, I'm sure Jennie won't mind me saying, was a little bit shit. Still, she loved it, and that was the most important thing. She loved it so much that my Dad spent a whole summer helping her to "pimp her ride" - spray painting bits of it, knocking out the occasional dent, and - vitally - fitting alloy hubcaps, which apparently made all the difference.
They did make all the difference. Because they didn't actually fit properly. And every so often, driving along with the wind in our hair and the sun in our faces, one of Jennie's alloy hubcaps would fly off at 60 miles per hour on the dual carriageway... and she'd pull over and ask me to retrieve it from any given ditch... or sometimes the middle of the road. It was exciting to have a friend with wheels, but it has to be said that these particular wheels were a quite a lot shit. So hubcaps and I are not great friends.
Anyway, mine are gone now, so I shouldn't have that problem in the future. Phew.