Those of you who know me personally will know that when I'm nervous, I tend to make jokes. This is fine when you're working as a stand-up comic; it's not so great when you have an appointment with your gynecologist. Parents, you may wish to look away now.
Now before anyone starts worrying, no there's nothing at all wrong. Just a standard doctory appointment thing. I won't gross you out with the details.
I decided it was my job to put my doctor at ease. "The first smear test I had," I told her (and thankfully it was a her, or I would probably be on some sex offenders list by now), "I turned up in high heels, and once I'd spread my legs, I felt like a porn star."
Thankfully she laughed. Albeit slightly nervously.
"Right," said the doctor, "if you remove your underwear, we can get started."
"I think I've seen a dodgy film that starts like this," I quipped. Luckily she laughed again. And edged away slightly.
There's no pleasant way to put the next part, so squeamish Ploggers may want to look away and think about kittens instead.
So there the doctor was, with her fingers... erm... inserted, and she said to me (and this is true), "How does that feel for you?"
I couldn't help it. I laughed a lot. Again, luckily so did she. I actually couldn't stop laughing. Neither could she. Though she was still... erm... inserted. She laughed, "Let me take my fingers out, and I'll ask you again! How does that feel?"
This was the point I absolutely definitely shouldn't have said:
"I think I liked it better with the fingers."
Joking when nervous in front of medical professionals is sadly a Nunn family trait. I would love to share the story of Mr Nunn and the nurse (no, that isn't a film available in your local hardcore store... yet) that nearly got him banned from the local doctors' practice, but sadly it's not my story to tell.
Anyway, if anyone knows a new surgery in Bethnal Green, I'm on the lookout for recommendations.