Next to nothing

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Plog... Next are selling Invisibility Cloaks! Get yours now whilst stocks last!

Yesterday I bought a new top in the Next sale. Nothing special - just a light beige tank top with a lighter blouse already sewn in at the neckline. It was fine for work, so, as it's always fun to wear new clothes, I wore it to the office today. As the weather was unnervingly sunny, I felt I ought to make the most of it, so walked in. And as I approached the City, suddenly people kept walking into me, either expecting I'd swerve first (like a really rubbish game of Pedestrian Chicken) or else just not seeing me.

Later that day I walked on to the Barbican to check out a venue for an event I'm holding next month. Again, commuters barged cheerfully into me.

And as I walked to a play rehearsal this evening, once again the total gits made an utter beeline for me. Traffic failed to stop at zebra crossings. People cut straight in front of my path.

So either a new "rules of London walking" memo went out yesterday which I didn't see, or else I had powers of invisibility. And I think we'd all agree that for a mere £12 top, this is well worth the money. However, today mostly illustrated the sheer inconvenience of being invisible. I felt I got all of the strife, and none of the rewards. So when I next wear my magic top, I think I'll loiter at cashpoints, get into the cinema for free, and... bollocks, I genuinely can't think of many bonuses to being invisible.

Still, if being invisible is something that's always appealed to you, then hurry and buy your beige top now before the Next sale ends! I hope in the following seasons they start doing magic purses full of and endless supply of money. I might pop it in their suggestions box.