DFS. I do not know what these letters stand for (Dead Fur Sofas? Da Furniture Shop? Dodgy Furniture Store?). But I know that today was Sofa Day. Why the new sofa? Well, I have a sofa bed at the moment which is not too bad as a bed... but actually not that comfortable as a sofa. Also it's a bit broken. I'd like to blame Erica and Dean who used it last, but, no - fuck it - actually I will. It's all Erica and Dean's fault. You heard it here first. (OK, OK, it's been a bit dodgy for a while; it's just nice to blame someone.)
So today off we toddled to DFS, selected a sofa, and called over a member of staff to help us with the purchase.
"OK," said the pleasant-but-clueless employee of Desperate Furniture Salesmen. "Can I ask if it's just you two who will be using the sofa?"
I was slightly thrown by this question. "Yes," I said. "We might have the occasional guest. Do I need written permission for them to sit on it?"
"No, no, that's fine," said the man, gravely. He then ran through some "leather care" tips, including the fact that we were supposed to moisturise the sofa once every two weeks. Let me just re-state that. We were supposed to moisturise the sofa fortnightly. I don't moisturise myself on a fortnightly basis!
After asserting I'd like to take advantage of their one year interest free credit offer, our clueless member of staff asked me if I'd like to pay in full when the sofa arrived. I explained again I'd like the year of interest free credit. He made notes. Then asked me if I'd like to start paying in three months' time, when the sofa is due to arrive.
He asked me how much deposit I would like to leave. I asked him what the minimum deposit was I could leave. He told me that I didn't have to leave a deposit at all. I said I wouldn't then. He said that he thought I might like to. I said if I didn't have to, I wouldn't, in case the company went bust. He said, "We're not going bust!" then he looked a bit worried, he observed I worked in financial services and - to make things worse - TheBloke (TM) added, "It is the credit crunch you know!"
I didn't leave a deposit.
He told me my sofa would be delivered in about twelve weeks. They couldn't tell me when, but they wouldn't hang onto the sofa after they were ready to make delivery, so I had to guarantee to be in the flat when they wanted to deliver it - with a day's notice. I explained to him this might be tricky. He looked worried.
Ten minutes later, with all the paperwork complete, and after we'd left the store, he chased TheBloke (TM) and me into Curry's... he'd forgotten to take my phone number to arrange the sofa delivery.
Bless him. I think I might have popped his sofa-selling cherry.