What what?

What a lovely birthday. Not only was there absolutely no skidding across the wooden floor and exposing myself to the neighbours (there's a sentence you shouldn't ever have to write), but I had some lovely presents from family and friends (special mention to my parents for the Les Mis CD, Erica for the brilliant and much-coveted monkey t-shirt, and to Hazel's mum for her inspirational Plog present. Which may or may not have included Marmite. I don't want to give too much away.).

The evening saw dinner at my favourite London restaurant, Patterson's, with Erica, Katy (who smells of wee), Kath, Sarah and Helen. The meal was excellent, the company was fantastic, and the chef wrote "Happy Birthday" on my plate in chocolate.

On seeing this, the blonde girl on the next table squealed at me: "Is it your birthday?"

"Yes," said I. For it was.

She looked shocked. "It's my birthday too." She said this as if it was the strangest coincidence in the world that two people in London should both have their birthday on the same day.

"Is it?" I feigned interest and delight.

"Only the waiter doesn't know," lamented the blonde girl. Who was frankly beginning to get a bit irritating.

Five minutes later her dessert arrived, with "Happy Birthday" duly iced on her plate in chocolate. The waiters at Patterson's are magic.

The blonde birthday girl actually clapped and squealed some more. I saw no reason to celebrate the fact that she'd lived this long.

At dinner this evening at Incognito with my friend Boothie (yes, I live a hedonistic lifestyle where I eat out a lot. I apologise. But I'm not really sorry.), the waiter was so French, we couldn't understand a bloody word he was saying. Let me just clarify. My French is actually pretty good. He was speaking English with such a thick French accent that we really, really struggled.

"Zee reeesottto, eet comes weeth leeeeat," said our waiter, to my enquiry as to what sort of risotto was on the menu.

"Sorry, could you say that again?" I asked politely.

"With leeeeat."

Boothie helped me out, "With what?" she asked.

"Yes," replied the waiter.

"With what?" Boothie and I enquired again.

"Yes," the waiter said confidently.

We didn't order the risotto. But did have a side order of what. After all, it is in season at the moment.